


Kill, Bang, Marry

by xogillete



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1666904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xogillete/pseuds/xogillete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krieger gets a chance to visit the website and see what the fuss is about. Drabble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill, Bang, Marry

Krieger frowned at the computer screen, clicking away at every ISIS agent photo listed on the ridiculous website. Pam stood beside him, patting him in an almost motherly manner. Cheryl filed her nails at the edge of the desk, apparently bored of the “game” she helped create. The old “kill, bang, marry” scenario, and every last employee had clicked “kill” on his particular portrait. To be fair, he had clicked the same for a few agents as well, but not out of hatred; more of an interest in their specific corpse. Surely someone had found him at least a _little_ attractive.

“You too, Cheryl?” He muttered sadly. “But we've actually...banged before!”

Cheryl didn't bother to look up at him. She continued to file away as she spoke her defense. “Look Krieger, we both want the same thing in bed, which I thought would be hot! But if we keep taking turns choking and slapping each other, then neither of us will finish, will we?”

Krieger thought it over a moment. She made a valid point. “No, I guess--” 

“Also, I either clicked bang or kill. I wouldn't marry anyone in this hell hole, so don't be sad about that. You'd all just be after my millions in cash, anyway.”

Pam rolled her eyes. “The anorexic she-beast has spoken.”

Krieger went back to clicking. He neared the edge of the list when finally, in green, block letters, was the word “BANG”. He perked up in an instant, his eyes wide, his smile hopeful. He traced the word with his finger to the name that had selected the option and squealed. 

“ _Ray Q. Gillette_?”

“Figures.” Cheryl snorts. “You've both got girly ass hands.” 

“Awww, that's sorta sweet. You know, cause ya kinda fixed him up and he's rewarding you with his new and improved body. Terminator meets Brokeback Mountain. Scratch that. Maybe ' _The Cyborg who Shagged Me_ '--”

“What on _earth_ are you idiots yapping about now?” 

The effeminate, country tone is unmistakable. Ray stands before them, cigarette in hand. Pam and Cheryl look up at him with grins on their faces, while Krieger raises his brows in anticipation.

“Hey wait, Ray, are you a top or a bottom?”

Ray drops his cigarette in disbelief. “ _Wh--!_ That's none of your business, Pam!”

“I bet he's a bottom. The mustache just kinda gives me that vibe. That and the crisis vest.” 

“Cheryl! What the hell!?”

Pam is far too interested to stop. “Oooh, I bet he's a power bottom. How's that sound, clone wars? Right up your alley?” 

Cheryl laughed. “More like right up in Ray's alley.”

Krieger doesn't even notice they're teasing. He's just happy someone is willing to hop in bed with him. “I don't know what that is, but I'm open to it!”

Ray brings up his index finger and parts his lips, as if he were going to say something, but Pam beats him to it as she swivels the computer screen around. His shoulders slump in defeat. 

“... _Dukes_.”

Krieger leaps from his seat and walks towards the blond, still smiling from ear to ear. He curls an arm around Ray's shoulder. “About this power bottom business...”

“N-now wait a darn second,” Ray interjects. His cheeks hold a rosy tint. He attempts to slide out of the German's grasp, but he's holding on pretty tight. “I can explain that--”

“Explain what?” Pam chuckled, a hand on her hip. “How the only three bangs you picked are Lana, Krieger and Danny the intern?”  
  
“ _PAM!”_

Krieger's grip tightens, leading him away from the desk and into his lab. “So tell me, Ray, do you enjoy _mushi_? Movie and sushi?”

 

 


End file.
